Seth, 1950*. Megan, 1953. Lissa, 1958. Carrie, 1962. Callie, 1967. I have always felt closest to Lissa. She the middle child of five and me, the baby.
I used to cry myself to sleep in the back of the Ford station wagon, gazing at the mountain stars through subdued tears on the road back to Leadville from Salida where she ended up in a foster home. My brother couldn’t handle a 15-year old’s trauma anymore than she could. Or any of us could, really. We were all traumatized then, flying by the seat of our pants on a snowstorm, our meager inheritance, and a Beatles album.
Lying flat and sad in my Montgomery Ward corduroys and cheap t-shirts, I was abandoned again and again each time we drove back home without her. She is eight and a half years older than me and now, I am outsourcing my memory to her via putting her on speaker and recording with QuickTime on my MacBook. She is helping me remember because I can’t remember alone. Thank god for big sisters.
Never turn your back on fear. It should always be in front of you, like a thing that might have to be killed. – Hunter S. Thompson
Like those people in that Facebook group. Friends of Aspen in the 1960s and 70s. Over 100 comments later, they are helping me remember, too. On Sunday I will record a StoryCorps interview with my father’s former boss from his days in Aspen where he had his own jazz show (!!), and where he also hung out and smoked weed with Hunter S. Thompson. He agreed to an interview and I am so grateful.
Will just asked me, So, Hon. How long do you think you’ll be in this conceptual phase, exploring, moving things around?
Until I’m not, I said.
Until I’m not.
* Happy Birthday, Seth! Thank you for raising me. You would have been 71 today. Happy Birthday to my dear mother-in-law Pat, too. You would have been 97. xoxo
Things That Nourished My Writing: March 24-31.
FILM
FOOD
Starbucks Iced Brown Sugar Oatmilk Shaken Espresso
Speaking of food, nine-year old Bria, after tasting something she didn’t like: “Oh, GAWD. No! Now I’m going to have to go cleanse my palate.” Obviously, we love that kid.
LITERARY
On writing, memory, and forgetting: Socrates and Hemingway take on Zeigarnik
You Have No Idea What Happened by Maria Konnikova
Freedom is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement by Angela Davis
MUSIC
Will chooses the playlist most nights and has me listening to Dizzy Gillespie. Because, like my dad, he was a Beatnik, too.
PLACES
Mt. Baker Ski Area where Bria graduated to Blue runs last weekend.